I Want A Refund

Last fall, my kids, my lovely wife and myself received the flu shot at our doctor. Our pediatrician shares the same office as our family doctor. We all go the same office to be seen, very convenient. Anyways, at one of my sons check-ups, we took the whole family. It was a great opportunity to get the flu shot. I have always been a advocate of the flu shot. I am up for anything that keeps me safe from fever, puking, cleaning up kids puke, and just that helpless feeling when your kid is very ill.

This season, my daughter has gotten the flu twice, my lovely wife once, and myself once. Right now I am knocking on every piece of wood in the house as I tell you that Steven hasn't had it yet. Seriously, I don't need a sick baby. I had better not get a sick baby. Talk about being helpless, as they look up at you with those little eyes, and a whimper just as they throw up all over you, the chair, the carpet, everything. I have enough formula stained clothes, thank you.

I was nestled into bed on Monday night, dreaming of the wonderful weekend I just had. At about 1 am, I awoke to my wife, sorry, lovely wife screaming my name. Normally I would not complain about such a thing. This was not one of those nights. It came to my groggy attention that my daughter had awoke with a queasy stomach and felt the need to expel dinner all over her bed, all her bed clothes (my wife likes to call it that), and herself. We had a mess. Did I mention that it was 1 am?

I threw a surprisingly upbeat Kylie in the shower and began to hose her off. In a short time I had her clean, dry, and as good as new. As long as "good as new" doesn't include styling her hair. Christina can do her hair, without even thinking about it. She could probably do Kylie's hair while in a deep sleep with one hand that's been crushed by a garbage truck. But I cannot, repeat, cannot do long little girl hair. I try, lots of times. To no avail. She will look like Punky Brewster meets Lisa Simpson meets Lambchop. It's not good.

After we used every available towel to cover the couch and a 10 foot radius of carpeting, we threw a sheet and a comforter on and set her up for the night. Christina decided that she would take the next day off and take care of the kids. I was allowed to go to bed. A couple hours later, I awoke to a still awake kid and an unslept wife. Not good. Christina expressed (told) me her concerns about taking care of a sick little girl and a rambunctious 19 month old well slept boy when she'd been up all night. I, like any good husband, decided (was told) to take the morning off.

Kylie spent the rest of the day cleaning out her belly. I felt horrible. No, really I felt horrible. Some people get sympathy pains, I get the flu. I spent the next three day days in the recliner with an empty stomach and a fever. On the brighter side I have lost 10 pounds. Which is amazing if you have seen my pictures (wink wink).

Tonight, while shivering from yet another wonderful fever spout, or whatever you call it, I turned to Christina and asked her in a sarcastic voice, "Hey, didn't we get flu shots this year?" She turned to me with a straight face and said, "Didn't you hear? They got it wrong. They used the wrong strains."

Really??

I love her.

And I want my money back.