Thursday, March 12, 2009

I Want A Refund

Last fall, my kids, my lovely wife and myself received the flu shot at our doctor. Our pediatrician shares the same office as our family doctor. We all go the same office to be seen, very convenient. Anyways, at one of my sons check-ups, we took the whole family. It was a great opportunity to get the flu shot. I have always been a advocate of the flu shot. I am up for anything that keeps me safe from fever, puking, cleaning up kids puke, and just that helpless feeling when your kid is very ill.

This season, my daughter has gotten the flu twice, my lovely wife once, and myself once. Right now I am knocking on every piece of wood in the house as I tell you that Steven hasn't had it yet. Seriously, I don't need a sick baby. I had better not get a sick baby. Talk about being helpless, as they look up at you with those little eyes, and a whimper just as they throw up all over you, the chair, the carpet, everything. I have enough formula stained clothes, thank you.

I was nestled into bed on Monday night, dreaming of the wonderful weekend I just had. At about 1 am, I awoke to my wife, sorry, lovely wife screaming my name. Normally I would not complain about such a thing. This was not one of those nights. It came to my groggy attention that my daughter had awoke with a queasy stomach and felt the need to expel dinner all over her bed, all her bed clothes (my wife likes to call it that), and herself. We had a mess. Did I mention that it was 1 am?

I threw a surprisingly upbeat Kylie in the shower and began to hose her off. In a short time I had her clean, dry, and as good as new. As long as "good as new" doesn't include styling her hair. Christina can do her hair, without even thinking about it. She could probably do Kylie's hair while in a deep sleep with one hand that's been crushed by a garbage truck. But I cannot, repeat, cannot do long little girl hair. I try, lots of times. To no avail. She will look like Punky Brewster meets Lisa Simpson meets Lambchop. It's not good.

After we used every available towel to cover the couch and a 10 foot radius of carpeting, we threw a sheet and a comforter on and set her up for the night. Christina decided that she would take the next day off and take care of the kids. I was allowed to go to bed. A couple hours later, I awoke to a still awake kid and an unslept wife. Not good. Christina expressed (told) me her concerns about taking care of a sick little girl and a rambunctious 19 month old well slept boy when she'd been up all night. I, like any good husband, decided (was told) to take the morning off.

Kylie spent the rest of the day cleaning out her belly. I felt horrible. No, really I felt horrible. Some people get sympathy pains, I get the flu. I spent the next three day days in the recliner with an empty stomach and a fever. On the brighter side I have lost 10 pounds. Which is amazing if you have seen my pictures (wink wink).

Tonight, while shivering from yet another wonderful fever spout, or whatever you call it, I turned to Christina and asked her in a sarcastic voice, "Hey, didn't we get flu shots this year?" She turned to me with a straight face and said, "Didn't you hear? They got it wrong. They used the wrong strains."


I love her.

And I want my money back.


Anonymous said...

yuck yuck yuck! that's why ryan and I made the pact...puking kids, he deals with...poopie dieapers, I deal with.
Can you believe I was a teacher and can't stand the sight, smell, sound, or anything that remotely deals with puke! I'm lucky I made it through your blog without puking!
Love ya!

Traffic Cop Timmy said...

Jeez-a-loo Steve. I just got my stomach to stop doing flip flops and you pop up with a puke post! Thanks for mutton! I didn't have the flu but something crawled up inside me and died (hey turnabout's fair play) and Mrs. Timmy had it a couple of days before me (we had a layer of towels from the bed to the bowl).

I'm surprised you got sick considering how much you work out and those pecks are fabulous! (See Steve picks in right column.)

Flu vaccine creators are like weatherman - even though they get it wrong, they come right out the next day and predict the weather all over again - and we sit there and believe them.

Between you and your PMS-ravaged cousin, you've had quite the week. Perhaps "The Big Guy Upstairs" is telling you something - great thing about free will, we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor!

Hang in there buddy.

june cleaver said...

Like I said... you are a pansie. All of the beers just made your immune system do a crash and now you are rebooting (do you like all the technical jargon? I get that from being so computer savy). You need a vacation.

Come on out to Omahaheho! We'll flush your system real quick.

Also-I feel great, and I was the one on an airplane with stale air and a guy that sat next to me that smelled like poo.

Hope all are feeling better real soon!
love ya!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I remember those days. Not a good memory. Always happy when the kids started picking on each other again...I knew they were feeling better.
Like mom always said, "This too shall pass."
God bless you all,
Aunt Barbara

Anonymous said...

Cousin Steve,
Ya Aunt Barbara can say that. She doesn't remember that the all three of us girls got sick and you could bet that I got the worst. They had the mumps on one side and of course I had them on both side at the same time. Laying in bed that must have been the time when Aunt Peg use to shoot things off her finger at the wall. Remember Peg and Barb. You too will get better soon. Have a great day.
Aunt Judi

June's MA said...

Aunt Jud"i",

Is nothing sacred? Some stories should never be put in print!


June's MA

june cleaver said...

Didn't your mother pray that you all would get along mother? Aunt Judi?


way to set an example.

Anonymous said...

All right you to. Judi, you go out and run around the block; and Peg you go sit in the window and read a book. We will have no more of that...
Judi, you got the mumps and I got scarlet I remember. And you really got it with both barrels. I do remember that ;(
Aunt Barbara
Oh, Hello Cousin your blog.

june cleaver said...

Hello? Are you going to post anything anytime soon?