From a Galaxy Far Far Away.....

OK, I don't have much time..... Aliens have abducted me and I am in their ship. They consider me a perfect human specimen. I don't know what they are planning, but they feed me well. Very well, I am putting on weight like crazy!!! Which is weird, because we are in outer space. I should be weightless!!

Let June know I am in the 4th quadrant of the something or another galaxy. Tell her I have my Genuine Star Trek Communicator but I think the batteries are low, it doesn't work at all. She can find me that way I hope. And have her call NASA, Buck Rogers, and Luke Skywalker and come get me.

Don't get me wrong, they seem very nice to me. I think we are close to our destination, they keep talking how I am the guest of honor at the Captains feast. I ask what we are having and they just laugh. I bet I won't like it!!

Well, I hope that sheds some light on where I have been. I have to go now I think I hear Shleplar coming.

Bye! Get June!!

Your Cousin,
Steve

P.S. Or I have just been "summer" busy. Be back in full swing soon.

Bean Spilling

In the light of previous comments I have decided to spill all the beans.......just to get it all in the open. Cousin Steve style of course.

I have never made out with a manatee.

One of my legs is shorter than the other.

I wear contacts, and not the colored ones. Blind as a bat without them.

I like Pina Colada's and getting caught in the rain.

I enjoyed testing the "cat's always land on their feet" theory with our cat Louie, as a kid. Poor Louie. That's why he would come and bite me on my head in the middle of the night.

I think that stop signs with white borders are optional.

When I was 14, I told my mom that I broke my arm when I accidentally fell of my bike. When I really broke it doing something stupid on my bike.

I rode and elephant once, bare back.

One time when my parents were out of town and I was 20. They called to check in on me. I told them I was having a kegger party in their house. Mom laughed so hard she couldn't talk and handed the phone to my dad. I told him also. He didn't believe me either. They both were laughing now. Then dad said in a joking voice "Well, have a good time at your KEGGER". I said "I will" and hung up the phone and finished tapping the keg. We went through two kegs that night. A couple years ago I was talking with my parents, and since I was now married with two kids and a mortgage, I came clean on quite a few things. I figured, what, are they going to ground me?? I said "Remember when you guys were in New Orleans and I said I was having a kegger party in your house.....". The truth will set you free.

I once swam in Lake Michigan in downtown Chicago in a tux. Pissed of the limo driver.

I participated in senior ditch day on my sophomore, junior and senior years. I couldn't help it. You cannot watch a movie like Ferris Bueller's Day Off and not want to reenact it. I live just outside of Chicago for crying out loud. All we needed was a Ferrari.

I didn't start smoking until I was 20. I have been smoke free for two years now. Quiting IS one of great accomplishments.

I almost got in trouble by park rangers as a teenager one night. We had a huge bonfire at the beach. There was over a hundred from my high school. The southern sandy shores of Lake Michigan are awesome for bonfires. Park rangers came running out from all directions. We scattered like cockroaches. I guess I just ran faster than most. Due to fear, I bet I could have set some Olympic records for sprinting across sand that night.


I have never been in a hot air balloon. But want to.

June is not in outer space......... yet.

I believe, "You've got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything."

Till next time....... live. I do.

Your Cousin,
Steve

Still Fishing

I am way too loaded to write this, but i will try anyway. OK, I can't.

We just just got off the lake. Spent most of the day in a place they call "party cove". Way too much alchohol and swimming and fun. Little Steven is just getting used to this. I need some food badley. I could eat the north end of a south bound mule.

Think about it.

Talk at you all later.

Your Cousin,
Steve

Gone Fishin'

Unfortunately for the blogging world, my quick return is contended with a quick leave of absence. So, both of you will have to find something to do. Just kidding. I know that's you mom.

I am throwing my lovely wife, the kids, and myself into the truck and heading to central Missouri for a long weekend and much needed break. I have had enough of reality this past seven months, and I am high tailing it out of town. One of my freinds offered us to come down to his lake house in the Ozarks. How, in the name of everything holy, could I turn that down?

As crazy as it sounds, I will be in the middle of nowhere and still have internet. I just might check in. I just might check in ....... tipsey.

Is it masculine to say tipsey?

How about buzzed.

How about buzzed blogging? I like it! That could be fun!! It might be more funfor me than you.

I can see it now.....

Title : I love you man

Blog: I love you man. No..... i don't think you know what I mean...... I reeeaaally love you man. Remeber when you pulled me out of that burning building??? Me neither. But... I love you man. We've been like freinds like forever, man. I would take a bullet for you man...... Hey...... don't get shot or anything.... because I really don't want to take a bullet...... you know...... don't leave me man... (start crying for no reason) ..... I gotta go.....

I love you man.

(Yes, I have drunk dialed)

It used to be a common New Years thing for me. After the countdown, after champagne, after all the hugs and kisses, I would head outside and call everybody who wasn't at the party. I would start with Mom and Dad, then freinds, family, ex-girlfreinds, enemies, my mailman, my first grade teacher, as a matter of fact I wouldn't finish up until noon on New Years Day and I would be stone cold sober. And confused.

But enough of that, I headed out of town. Won't be back until next Tuesday.

Waahoooo! (With fist pump into the air) Then they freeze frame me mid-air, fist up high, and with a smile on my face. Just like they would do at the end of every 80's TV show.

Gosh, how times were simple when Ponch and John patrolled the highways..... (for all you young-ins, they were on CHiPs. The greatest cop show for a kid in the 80's.)

I was always John.




The highways were never so safe...

Hopefully my reverence for the highway patrol as a kid cuts me some slack on my travels this trip.

Take care all.

Cousin Steve

Diapers, Beer, Handstands, and a Skirt

I was going to do a blog on how to change a diaper while drinking a beer, doing a handstand, and wearing a skirt. But, I realized what a cool video that would be. I could be the next YouTube sensation. Millions of people would be impressed by my amazing talents. I would be rich.

Then FlyNavy pointed out that I was male, and real men don't wear skirts. I was going to change the skirt to an apron. Like the ones that guys grill in or chefs wear. But, I don't have one. As a matter of fact. I have never seen a guy grilling in one in real life, not in a restaurant, and not on TV.

MaeMae suggested I wear a kilt. It would be fitting to my Irish/Scottish heritage. I have a right to wear a kilt, I thought. And I would, if I had one. It seems as the only thing I actually had was one of my wife's skirts. What if she saw me?.... awkward!

Then it occurred to me, if I was doing all those things, how was I going to hold the camera? I don't have a tripod. I really think I do, it just got lost in the move 2 years ago. You can't lay the camera on the floor an catch something so "spectacular" as that. And that whole books on a table thing only works for family photos.

I really had to start looking at all the other variables...

1. The only diaper wearing child I have is my almost 2 year old that would only sit still for me if I hit him with an elephant tranquilizer.

2. I could actually spill the beer. Nuff said.

3. A handstand...... maybe if a crane had me by the ankles. (If you believe my body really looks like the pictures to the right, I have two words for you...... photo shop)

4. I am not buying an apron or kilt just to do a video. These are rough economic times people. I can only afford a thong. Kind of an awkward place to put "Kiss the Cook".

So really, I cannot deliver the "awesome feat" that I wanted to, at this present time. Maybe I will start a diaper, beer, handstand, apron training regiment soon. Don't be too surprised when that picture shows up on the blog.

A man can dream, can't he?

Your Cousin,

Steve

P.S. Didn't think I would actually do a blog about that stuff, did you. Well, me neither. Oh, always making me mother proud.

Heartfelt Thanks

Hey Y'all!! Thanks so much for all the kind words. It was really heartfelt to my family and I. You may not know it, because they don't always comment, but my family are frequent Cousin Steve readers. My mom loved to go on to check out the nice comments.

We had the wake for Katie on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. It was great to see all the people come out of hiding. Sad that it takes an event like this to see everyone, but still great. It's almost better than a family reunion, because you get all sides of the families AND you get your friends. I swear at one time, it was like the front door was an exit to a people factory. Just a never ending line of people.

There were many things, this weekend, that made "happy" triumph over "grief". I convinced my cousin Beth (Aunt Barbara's daughter) to do the first reading at Kate's funeral mass. She was very nervous, however, I knew who her mom was, and also the kind of person Beth is. She did very well. Aunt Barbara did the second reading, showing what a true veteran of the pulpit she is. My mom's cousin Noreen sang solo's during the mass. Noreen comes from a family of very gifted singers. Her gift, and I do mean gift, is from heaven above. Noreen sang an Ave Maria that made you close your eyes, sit still and take it all in. It would bring you to tears at a birthday party.

There was just so much going on, between aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, it's hard to tell all. You and I don't have the time!

I almost forgot!!

My cousin from Nebraska came in. She is a fireball full of laughter. She has these four wonderful kids, to which I can't get enough of. The youngest one of them is my God-daughter. She is two and is so sweet, the American Dental Association put a warning on her that she "may cause cavities". I was very happy to see my cousin and clan.

(now that's were I should of ended, but I am so full of crap, I just keep going......)

I was surprised to see her because, she is doing some super secret stuff with NASA. I would tell you her name (June), but I am afraid that some G-men might come and break down my door. I promised (June) that I wouldn't say a word about the visit so as not to compromise (June's) mission. Most of you are not aware that she (June) is a martial arts expert, and a yoga goddess. She (June) knows how to kill someone 1,736 ways with a ball point pen.

So from me, you will get nothing..... (about June).

To go back to where I started, all jokes aside. Thanks for the kind words. It meant allot to me that so many people took the time to write something and hit send. I know that loosing our loved ones is a part of life. But it's a rough part. And every little bit and kind word helps. Kate is with Dad now, and if I know them. They are shaking up the place. I can only hope that they don't burn heaven down before I get there. I'm sure they have a fire department..... right??

My Dad and Sister

I'll bet they are walking around like that right now. The big proud father taking care of his baby girl. I will forever miss them, and never forget them.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May all the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Your Cousin,

Steve

Next Blog: How to change a diaper while doing a hand stand, drinking a beer, and wearing a skirt. I can do it and you can too.

An Early Goodbye

With a heavy heart I give you news. Today, July 14, 2009 at 1:30 PM my little sister Katie passed away at the age of 35. After a long and arduous battle, MS had done too much damage this time. I love my sister and will miss her very much. We are very thankful for all the thoughts and prayers that everyone has given throughout her fight. She is at peace and is looking down upon us now.

There's always room for another angel I guess.

Your Cousin,
Steve