Friday, May 29, 2009

What's With the Fridge?

People have an obsession with refrigerators. I don't know why, they just do. Not even when my truck was brand new, did it get it as much attention as it did with a fridge in the bed.

It all started last week when my mom called me to ask "What temperatures is your fridge supposed to be at?" Like I'm some sort of encyclopedia. Well. Most of the time I am. But this time, I didn't know, so I said, "One side should be cold, and one side should be colder."

I mean, that's it's job. It's sole purpose. Freeze and cool the food. Right? Remember that.

Mom didn't find my comment to be as funny as I did. She wanted numbers.

I reached down deep, into my small little mind and pulled out...."Fridge side 35 F to 40 F, and freezer side 0 F or colder." I didn't really know. I used the good 'ol reliable Internet. I love high speed Internet. She never knew.

She does now.

Hi Mom!!


It was apparent that something was wrong with the unit. Finally, Friday had come, and it was falling off it's last legs. Time for "Steve To The Rescue!!!" I picked up a refrigerator and headed to Mom's. She was happy.

Then, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, Memorial Day came.

My wonderful wife, kids and myself, headed off to Mom's/Grandma's house for a cook out. After a wonderful day, I loaded up the broken fridge and headed out. I figure I would take the bad unit to the scrap yard after work on Tuesday. Did you know the scrap yard will PAY you to recycle? If you didn't, check into it. Free money for junk. Me likey.

So, Tuesday I go to work like normal (with the fridge). As soon as I got there, it started. What started you ask? They unstoppable fridge questions. That's what. And every time it went like this...

Them: "Is that a refrigerator in your truck?

Me: "Yup."

Them: "What's up with it?

Me: "It's broken."

And here's the part that gets me.

Them: "What's it doing?"

SERIOUSLY??! The only way I knew to answer that question was...

Me: "It stopped freezing and cooling the food."

For as we all know, THAT'S IT'S JOB!!!!

I must of went through that same scenario about two dozen times. I even had people call me because they drove past my work and saw it in the truck. It was all the same questions. Except as the questions went on, my answers got worse.

I only had it for less than a day. And that was way to long.

Now, I know that new fridges do all sorts of things. But, are you crazy enough to junk a fridge because the night light burnt out? Push it out the door because it stopped crushing ice? Heave it into the yard because the water stopped coming out of the in-door dispenser??

NO!! If you do, stop it! Have you seen the price of new fridges?? Once I had to put a deposit and leave my drivers licence at the counter just to look at one on the showroom floor. When we bought our new fridge a couple years back, the price of my home doubled.

Fridges get junked because they freakin stop working. If the ice maker doesn't work, a fridge has a "problem". It's not junk.

I may seem like I am complaining, but in all truth. Those questions kept me laughing all day.

From the great Muppet creator Jim Henson,

"My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here."

Have a great day.


Friday, May 22, 2009

Up, Up and Away

I would be an absolute liar if I said that, I, a grown man, do not love the computer animated movies. I am just a big kid at heart and I've got to see these things. I enjoy them as much as my kids. For years, we didn't go to the movies because of the wee ones. We thought we would just save the money and the hassle and wait for them to come out on DVD.

Well, guess what. You miss those too.

For us, going to the theater to see a movie is an event. Renting a movie is what we do when there is nothing else to do. Big difference. In the summer there is always something to do. We loose track of allot of movies. I get discouraged at how many movies that I never got to see. I was waiting for them, for crying out loud. And now they are in the "used to be new, but so many new movies came in that we have to move it to the OLD shelf" section.

They keep making movies, and if your not watching them, they get lost in the dust of old movies.
Don't let that happen with these great family movies. Take your kids to the theater. Matinees are cheaper. Buy candy at the store, it's cheaper. And.... theater butter popcorn RULES! It's an adventure, and allot of fun to watch their faces if you can take your own eyes off the screen.

Which brings me to the real reason for this post.

Disney/Pixar's newest movie "Up" is coming out in a week.

"Up" looks great. I'll give you a quick rundown.

It's about a 78 year old balloon salesman, Carl. Carl and his wife, Ellie, always dreamed about going to this wonderful place called "Paradise Falls" in South America. Well... one thing leads to another and time and Ellie pass with the couple never taking that much sought after trip. As a widower, Carl becomes filled with grief and guilt as he misses his wife so much, he shuts out the world. Being forced to go to a old folks home, Carl has the last laugh and unleashes thousands and thousands of balloons that rip his house right off the foundation. The house and his dreams take to the air. Carl regains some satisfaction.As Carl and his house are airborne and flying along, there is a knock at the door. Carl has an accidental stowaway. It's Russell, an 8 year old kid trying to do one good deed to get his last patch to become a full Wilderness Explorer. Carl isn't happy with the situation, but, he's going to Paradise Falls. Kid or no kid. The adventure ensues.

The rest.... you'll just have to see it for yourself. Opens on Friday, May 29, 2009.

And if I know Disney and Pixar (Toy Story, A Bug's Life, Monsters, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars, Ratatouille, and WALL-E). "Up" should be a great adventure for all ages. Don't wait for it to come out on DVD. Throw the family in the car, truck, van, train or plane and get to a theater on a Saturday afternoon and treat everybody.

In the words of Walt Disney

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."

Have a great day.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Don't Blink

I love my kids. I wish they would stay little. But, no matter hard I try, they are growing up. The little, cute, and tender babies turn into toddlers then immediately into adults, as far as they are concerned. It seems like one day I was helping Kylie walk and now she wants to be little miss independent. I say, "Tough crap little girl, I enjoy being daddy. And that's what daddies do". I have a funny feeling that she will always be my little girl.

Kids have two types of "growing", growth spurts and mind spurts. Growth spurts kind of suck. It amazes me when you put little Johnny to bed, his jammies fit. Now in the morning he looks like Tom Hanks in Big. It now means that all those outfits you just bought, don't freaking fit anymore.

Now, mind spurts, I like. Mind spurts to me are when they do something today that would of never happened yesterday. I watch it happen to my daughter. Sometimes she just blows me away. Yesterday she was my little girl, today, she is giving me all the "gossip" from her kindergarten class. Why in the heck does kindergarten even have gossip? Why do they need drama? Has this world promoted drama as a part of life? When I went to kindergarten we had story time, play time, nap time, cookie and milk time. All in a half day. I was even so tired from all that, I would go home and take another nap. There was no drama, I didn't even learn how to spell drama until fourth grade. Drama was a word used to describe a play.

Back to the spurts.

My little Steven had a growth spurt mixed with a mind spurt. Yesterday, he was throwing green beans from his highchair, today he sits in a chair alone like a man.

Well... that's if you consider a 21 month old wearing a bib eating a hot dog while wearing a diaper, a man. I knew it was bound to happen. I just wasn't ready for this one. It hit me right between the eyes. He and I were home alone. I was making dinner for us and I said "Time to eat buddy!". He came into the kitchen, climbed into a chair, and gave me the "let's eat" look. I thought, "why not". We tried it, and it worked.

What's next?

"Steven, want to go for a ride?" And he drives???

I told my lovely wife what had happened when she got home. She wasn't pleased. Let's face it. If it was up to her, he would still be sleeping in a bassinet next to the bed with his legs hanging out. She has a TINY thing about letting go.

It's a simple reminder to slow down and take a look around every once in a while. Time stops for no one. Blink and it's gone.

Bill Cosby once said.

"The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now."

Enjoy it while you can. And have a great day.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Let It Be

Well, after a long thought. I have decided that June has put way too much work on the Monday Swoons for me to take it over. I know, I am her cousin. She is on a break, let it be. Corral the hormones ladies.

And being of the male persuasion, I am not sure that I would be too comfortable in my own skin posting pics of lightly clad men on my blog. After all, my dad (god rest his soul), is watching me at all times. Kind of allot of pressure. And believe me, it's not that I worry dad would think I switched to the other side. He would just tease me for doing a picture blog on men.

After all, how do we know that June won't post a Swoon for the girls?? We don't. I can't read minds, can you? What I should do is a swoon for the guys. Yeah, that's it.

Can you say LEAD BALLOON.

And that is how it would go over. My wife would freaking kill me. She might have a slight problem with me not helping her around the house because I was searching for that perfect bosoms in string bikini online.

So for now, the only "swooning" I am going to do is for my lovely wife.

But in case June doesn't, I give you something to hold you over......

A couple of pics I had laying around.....

It's all I can do to keep both sides happy. Don't think of me as an exhibitionist, think of me as sharing what god gave me, to you. It's not easy being me, but someone has to do it.

And now...

Quotes from the late great George Burns.
George lived just past 100 years old.

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."

"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked."

Thanks, and have a great day.


Saturday, May 16, 2009

Don't Touch Anything.....

Today is Saturday. What a beautiful day. Sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and lawn growing. Just a great day. It is also the day that Kylie plays her soccer games on. Games are in the mornings so you have the rest of the day to yourselves. All is done by noon. Perfect.

Did I mention it rained yesterday?

Not only did it rain, bit it poured.

It rained so much that Kylie even said she doesn't have to water the flowers. It rained so much that I saw two elephants and two zebras and two lions and two monkeys with luggage walking down the street. It rained so much that a couple of guys asked if they could fish off my "pier", I call it my front porch, and no you may not. It rained so much that... well you get the picture. We are not really flooded, don't send the Coast Guard, but thanks.

Back to were I was.

We are getting ready to go the soccer game, Wait! Did I mention that I am the Assistant Coach??! (I put that in caps to show the importance) Yes. "Mr. did not want to get involved with anything he had no idea how to do", got involved. I have a shirt that says "Asst Coach" on the back and everything. Sure I can coach, I played soccer, WHEN I WAS EIGHT. As it turns out, Mr Football knows all there is to teach a five year old how to play soccer. Those rules are,

1. Kick the ball with only your foot.

2. Do not use your hands.

3. Do not let the other team score in your goal.

4. Do not hit other kids.

5. No crying.

It's actually very simple, and I am "involved" with my kid. How much better could it be? One more notch toward "father of the year". Did you know, as a coach you feel just fine about yelling at your kid across the field more than any other kid? One notch back down.

So..... back to the story.

Getting Kylie ready for the game and it rained last night...

I had enough foresight that it "might" be muddy at the field, and to be prepared. It turns out it was, to the likes of which I have never seen before. What those kids did to that field and the field did to those kids, I was not prepared. Everybody had mud on them. The coaches, the parents, the grandparents, everybody. When the game started, it was the black team against the red team. At the end it was the brown team against the brown team, the brown team won. I wasn't sure which team had the ball or who scored the goal. It didn't matter, it was more fun that anybody thought you could have on a Saturday morning.

Lots of laughs were had and it was all fun and games right up until we realized the kids had to get home. That is when I told Kylie she was going to have to walk home, just kidding. I had to somehow get her in my truck. My nice clean wonderful but still love my daughter very much truck. Luckily I had enough foresight.... OK, my wonderful wife told me to bring a towel "in case Kylie got a little dirty". Thank God for my wonderful wife.

I draped the towel over the back seat, picked my little angel up and gently placed her on the towel. I buckled her in. And in a soft and stern fatherly voice I said "Don't touch anything." My first thought was to hose her off in the yard, but I believe she deserves more respect than my lawn mower. We contained the mess to near the back door and had her clean and new car looking in no time at all. And since it is Saturday, I stayed in the same clothes and mowed the lawn. Why clean up to get dirty all over again?

It's Saturday's like this that make the work week so long. What a muddy golden opportunity it was today.

I am blessed.

Quotes from the late Milton Berle

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

"I live to laugh, and I laugh to live."

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

"He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front."

"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."

"What is this, an audience or an oil painting?"

Have a great day!


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Excuses, excuses,excuses...

Ok, I guess I have some splainin' to do.

"Where the heck have you been??!" and "Are you coming back??!" and "Did you die??!" and "Want to loose weight quickly and keep it off??!" seem to be the questions I get most.

First off, I feel better. Not all done with the medical malarkey, but according to the way I feel, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it's not a train.

Second, spring is here! Thank God! With the beautiful weather comes yard work and chores that have been waiting all winter to be done. I love working around the house. I am that guy who walks his lawn everyday to hunt down any rouge weeds that think they can grow in my yard. It's a grave battle and many will die. I will not stand down or give in, I will be victorious!! (Gimme a break. It's my dad's fault. He drilled into my head the finer knowledge and diligence needed to keep a great lawn. That, is a blog for a different day, bless his soul.)

Third, is kids on the loose. I can't get enough of watching my children play outside. Kylie, almost six, and Steven, almost two, run around like a couple of nut balls. Steven is exploring everything he can and Kylie wants to direct him to do what she wants, with usual failure. He would rather go get a ball, pick it up, climb to the top of the stairs on the front porch, throw the ball down the stairs, then, go down the stairs, get the ball and repeat. It amazes me how many times he will actually do this. Every once in a while he will take the ball into the yard a kick around for about ten seconds, then back to the stairs! Kylie, however, always wants to water the gardens, I am the only one who could get lily pads and cat tails to grow in a regular garden thanks to her.

Forth is..... summer is here. Time to shed the multi layers, get out and do stuff. Preferably fun stuff, but none the less. I am so glad that summer is here that I have to sit on both hands to keep from waving at everybody! My smile would have to be surgically removed from my face!

So, I guess my point is... sorry for not posting, I am doing much better, and thanks for the patience.

Now to other business...

I believe smiles and laughter are as important as air. And because I really do believe that, I would like to start adding some funny quotes and sayings at the end of each blog. A smile makes everyday better. Tell me what you think...

From Rodney Dangerfield...

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."

"I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face."

"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

"I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I want a second opinion. He said okay you're ugly too."

"The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it."

"I tell ya, I get no respect."

Have a great day!

Your Cousin Steve