Saturday, July 25, 2009

Still Fishing

I am way too loaded to write this, but i will try anyway. OK, I can't.

We just just got off the lake. Spent most of the day in a place they call "party cove". Way too much alchohol and swimming and fun. Little Steven is just getting used to this. I need some food badley. I could eat the north end of a south bound mule.

Think about it.

Talk at you all later.

Your Cousin,

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Gone Fishin'

Unfortunately for the blogging world, my quick return is contended with a quick leave of absence. So, both of you will have to find something to do. Just kidding. I know that's you mom.

I am throwing my lovely wife, the kids, and myself into the truck and heading to central Missouri for a long weekend and much needed break. I have had enough of reality this past seven months, and I am high tailing it out of town. One of my freinds offered us to come down to his lake house in the Ozarks. How, in the name of everything holy, could I turn that down?

As crazy as it sounds, I will be in the middle of nowhere and still have internet. I just might check in. I just might check in ....... tipsey.

Is it masculine to say tipsey?

How about buzzed.

How about buzzed blogging? I like it! That could be fun!! It might be more funfor me than you.

I can see it now.....

Title : I love you man

Blog: I love you man. No..... i don't think you know what I mean...... I reeeaaally love you man. Remeber when you pulled me out of that burning building??? Me neither. But... I love you man. We've been like freinds like forever, man. I would take a bullet for you man...... Hey...... don't get shot or anything.... because I really don't want to take a bullet...... you know...... don't leave me man... (start crying for no reason) ..... I gotta go.....

I love you man.

(Yes, I have drunk dialed)

It used to be a common New Years thing for me. After the countdown, after champagne, after all the hugs and kisses, I would head outside and call everybody who wasn't at the party. I would start with Mom and Dad, then freinds, family, ex-girlfreinds, enemies, my mailman, my first grade teacher, as a matter of fact I wouldn't finish up until noon on New Years Day and I would be stone cold sober. And confused.

But enough of that, I headed out of town. Won't be back until next Tuesday.

Waahoooo! (With fist pump into the air) Then they freeze frame me mid-air, fist up high, and with a smile on my face. Just like they would do at the end of every 80's TV show.

Gosh, how times were simple when Ponch and John patrolled the highways..... (for all you young-ins, they were on CHiPs. The greatest cop show for a kid in the 80's.)

I was always John.

The highways were never so safe...

Hopefully my reverence for the highway patrol as a kid cuts me some slack on my travels this trip.

Take care all.

Cousin Steve

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Diapers, Beer, Handstands, and a Skirt

I was going to do a blog on how to change a diaper while drinking a beer, doing a handstand, and wearing a skirt. But, I realized what a cool video that would be. I could be the next YouTube sensation. Millions of people would be impressed by my amazing talents. I would be rich.

Then FlyNavy pointed out that I was male, and real men don't wear skirts. I was going to change the skirt to an apron. Like the ones that guys grill in or chefs wear. But, I don't have one. As a matter of fact. I have never seen a guy grilling in one in real life, not in a restaurant, and not on TV.

MaeMae suggested I wear a kilt. It would be fitting to my Irish/Scottish heritage. I have a right to wear a kilt, I thought. And I would, if I had one. It seems as the only thing I actually had was one of my wife's skirts. What if she saw me?.... awkward!

Then it occurred to me, if I was doing all those things, how was I going to hold the camera? I don't have a tripod. I really think I do, it just got lost in the move 2 years ago. You can't lay the camera on the floor an catch something so "spectacular" as that. And that whole books on a table thing only works for family photos.

I really had to start looking at all the other variables...

1. The only diaper wearing child I have is my almost 2 year old that would only sit still for me if I hit him with an elephant tranquilizer.

2. I could actually spill the beer. Nuff said.

3. A handstand...... maybe if a crane had me by the ankles. (If you believe my body really looks like the pictures to the right, I have two words for you...... photo shop)

4. I am not buying an apron or kilt just to do a video. These are rough economic times people. I can only afford a thong. Kind of an awkward place to put "Kiss the Cook".

So really, I cannot deliver the "awesome feat" that I wanted to, at this present time. Maybe I will start a diaper, beer, handstand, apron training regiment soon. Don't be too surprised when that picture shows up on the blog.

A man can dream, can't he?

Your Cousin,


P.S. Didn't think I would actually do a blog about that stuff, did you. Well, me neither. Oh, always making me mother proud.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Heartfelt Thanks

Hey Y'all!! Thanks so much for all the kind words. It was really heartfelt to my family and I. You may not know it, because they don't always comment, but my family are frequent Cousin Steve readers. My mom loved to go on to check out the nice comments.

We had the wake for Katie on Friday and the funeral on Saturday. It was great to see all the people come out of hiding. Sad that it takes an event like this to see everyone, but still great. It's almost better than a family reunion, because you get all sides of the families AND you get your friends. I swear at one time, it was like the front door was an exit to a people factory. Just a never ending line of people.

There were many things, this weekend, that made "happy" triumph over "grief". I convinced my cousin Beth (Aunt Barbara's daughter) to do the first reading at Kate's funeral mass. She was very nervous, however, I knew who her mom was, and also the kind of person Beth is. She did very well. Aunt Barbara did the second reading, showing what a true veteran of the pulpit she is. My mom's cousin Noreen sang solo's during the mass. Noreen comes from a family of very gifted singers. Her gift, and I do mean gift, is from heaven above. Noreen sang an Ave Maria that made you close your eyes, sit still and take it all in. It would bring you to tears at a birthday party.

There was just so much going on, between aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, it's hard to tell all. You and I don't have the time!

I almost forgot!!

My cousin from Nebraska came in. She is a fireball full of laughter. She has these four wonderful kids, to which I can't get enough of. The youngest one of them is my God-daughter. She is two and is so sweet, the American Dental Association put a warning on her that she "may cause cavities". I was very happy to see my cousin and clan.

(now that's were I should of ended, but I am so full of crap, I just keep going......)

I was surprised to see her because, she is doing some super secret stuff with NASA. I would tell you her name (June), but I am afraid that some G-men might come and break down my door. I promised (June) that I wouldn't say a word about the visit so as not to compromise (June's) mission. Most of you are not aware that she (June) is a martial arts expert, and a yoga goddess. She (June) knows how to kill someone 1,736 ways with a ball point pen.

So from me, you will get nothing..... (about June).

To go back to where I started, all jokes aside. Thanks for the kind words. It meant allot to me that so many people took the time to write something and hit send. I know that loosing our loved ones is a part of life. But it's a rough part. And every little bit and kind word helps. Kate is with Dad now, and if I know them. They are shaking up the place. I can only hope that they don't burn heaven down before I get there. I'm sure they have a fire department..... right??

My Dad and Sister

I'll bet they are walking around like that right now. The big proud father taking care of his baby girl. I will forever miss them, and never forget them.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May all the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Your Cousin,
Next Blog: How to change a diaper while doing a hand stand, drinking a beer, and wearing a skirt. I can do it and you can too.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

An Early Goodbye

With a heavy heart I give you news. Today, July 14, 2009 at 1:30 PM my little sister Katie passed away at the age of 35. After a long and arduous battle, MS had done too much damage this time. I love my sister and will miss her very much. We are very thankful for all the thoughts and prayers that everyone has given throughout her fight. She is at peace and is looking down upon us now.

There's always room for another angel I guess.

Your Cousin,

Friday, July 10, 2009

Roller Skating Water Babies

Here's a great Friday pick-me-up.

I love this commercial.

My kids didn't do any of this!!

Your Cousin,


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Monday What???

It has become aware to me that there was a significant jump on my visit meter this past Monday.

.... seems odd....

.... I wonder what could of done that?....

.... I mean....

.... why Monday?....

.... it's like.... ahhh....

.... it's like those visitors expected to see something....

.... but what....

.... what in the world would so many people want???....

.... so many....

.... WAIT!!!

Wait one cotton picken second!

Don't you girls think for one sliver of time, that I would stoop so low as to....... to.....

I'm shocked.

I want to make perfectly clear that I am as straight as a lazer.

I am so straight, that they use me to lay out runways.

I am so straight, that I can line a football field without string.

I am so..... so..... sorry for what I am about to do..


Ladies, I present to you, in full color....


That's right ladies!! He's almost two. Take it all in.

I give in to women so easily....

shamefull.... just shamefull....

Believe it or not, it was the first picture of way too many. He's a chip off the old block.

Anything I can do to please.

With Love,

Cousin Steve and Cousin Steve Jr.

Friday, July 3, 2009

June and the Incredible Spinning Thing

Any of you that read my reasons for June not to blog, KNOW that June is at NASA. I talked to her again last night on the super secret special underground IASFOS network. (By the way IASFOS stands for "I am so full of ...."). She had just got done doing that centrifuge thing that spins you around to see how man G-forces you can handle. She threw up all over it. It then started to short circuit and eventually caught fire. June got out safely. But the whole building burned to the ground. No one was lost. The only injury was a fireman that tripped while getting off the truck. He's out of surgery now and is expected to make a full recovery. He was the station chef, so he is sorely missed.

Did you hear about it on the news??? Nope. That's how super special secret her mission is.

But you get my drift, June is still OK. Packing boxes and kissing kids. Life is good.

As for my little sister, she is still fighting for her life. They started a new treatment yesterday.

Keep hope alive.

Your cousin,