Saturday, May 16, 2009

Don't Touch Anything.....

Today is Saturday. What a beautiful day. Sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming, and lawn growing. Just a great day. It is also the day that Kylie plays her soccer games on. Games are in the mornings so you have the rest of the day to yourselves. All is done by noon. Perfect.

Did I mention it rained yesterday?

Not only did it rain, bit it poured.

It rained so much that Kylie even said she doesn't have to water the flowers. It rained so much that I saw two elephants and two zebras and two lions and two monkeys with luggage walking down the street. It rained so much that a couple of guys asked if they could fish off my "pier", I call it my front porch, and no you may not. It rained so much that... well you get the picture. We are not really flooded, don't send the Coast Guard, but thanks.

Back to were I was.

We are getting ready to go the soccer game, Wait! Did I mention that I am the Assistant Coach??! (I put that in caps to show the importance) Yes. "Mr. did not want to get involved with anything he had no idea how to do", got involved. I have a shirt that says "Asst Coach" on the back and everything. Sure I can coach, I played soccer, WHEN I WAS EIGHT. As it turns out, Mr Football knows all there is to teach a five year old how to play soccer. Those rules are,

1. Kick the ball with only your foot.

2. Do not use your hands.

3. Do not let the other team score in your goal.

4. Do not hit other kids.

5. No crying.

It's actually very simple, and I am "involved" with my kid. How much better could it be? One more notch toward "father of the year". Did you know, as a coach you feel just fine about yelling at your kid across the field more than any other kid? One notch back down.

So..... back to the story.

Getting Kylie ready for the game and it rained last night...

I had enough foresight that it "might" be muddy at the field, and to be prepared. It turns out it was, to the likes of which I have never seen before. What those kids did to that field and the field did to those kids, I was not prepared. Everybody had mud on them. The coaches, the parents, the grandparents, everybody. When the game started, it was the black team against the red team. At the end it was the brown team against the brown team, the brown team won. I wasn't sure which team had the ball or who scored the goal. It didn't matter, it was more fun that anybody thought you could have on a Saturday morning.

Lots of laughs were had and it was all fun and games right up until we realized the kids had to get home. That is when I told Kylie she was going to have to walk home, just kidding. I had to somehow get her in my truck. My nice clean wonderful but still love my daughter very much truck. Luckily I had enough foresight.... OK, my wonderful wife told me to bring a towel "in case Kylie got a little dirty". Thank God for my wonderful wife.

I draped the towel over the back seat, picked my little angel up and gently placed her on the towel. I buckled her in. And in a soft and stern fatherly voice I said "Don't touch anything." My first thought was to hose her off in the yard, but I believe she deserves more respect than my lawn mower. We contained the mess to near the back door and had her clean and new car looking in no time at all. And since it is Saturday, I stayed in the same clothes and mowed the lawn. Why clean up to get dirty all over again?

It's Saturday's like this that make the work week so long. What a muddy golden opportunity it was today.

I am blessed.

Quotes from the late Milton Berle

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

"I live to laugh, and I laugh to live."

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

"He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front."

"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."

"What is this, an audience or an oil painting?"

Have a great day!



june cleaver said...

you are funnier than that june cleaver.

Cousin Steve said...

Yeah right. And I suppose that the Moon isn't in synchronous rotation.


The man in the moon is going to be pretty pissed, June. Pretty pissed.